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Fingers Crossed

by Jenny Stockdale

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1.
I did everything you asked me to waited up all night by the door for you caught every single lie you threw so don’t ask for me, I won’t answer. I’ve known a love that you will never know builds its own walls, throws its stones you will lose your hair, you will die alone so don’t ask for me, I won’t answer. I caught it on the way down heard it from the roof I was running miles away for miles at a minute to stay bullet proof You can put your head down, it’ll rush right by you. You lived a lie for five hundred days when all you had to say was the truth Look at all those things you’ve got on your sleeve You will never have just what you need You are all the reasons why I leave don’t ask for me, I won’t answer. I caught it on the way down heard it from the roof I was running miles away for miles at a minute to stay bullet proof You can put your head down, it’ll rush right by you. You lived a lie for five hundred days when all you had to say was the truth I did everything you asked me to Held my breath till my face was blue Now I’ll be someone you once knew so don’t ask for me I won’t answer don’t ask for me I won’t answer don’t ask for me
2.
Aftermath 04:31
Bend at your will, break at your leisure go where you need to, stay when you must hold your breath for science and pass out with the rest of us watch the pretty white flag above the edge of the nothing wave in the absence of the wind ripping up your logic with the same big hands that somehow have you pinned Kind of just like when you were a baby small, bald and crying, 10-inches tall they track your cell division with pencil hash marks on the wall you grow and stretch and fracture faster than you can handle ‘till you’re 80 and dying slow and thin waiting on the landscapes to open up, swallow you whole again You said it’s lifestyles live from the gutter open up your uniform and stand in the rain You said it’s lifestyles live from the gutter I know what you’re feeling it’s just more of the same Dark as it might get where I’m going I won’t be bringing along a light to break open the shadows and pull up corners of the night there’s nothing left to say out loud your words do not work here in the aftermath of the afterglow Your words will let you way down but they’ll never, ever let you go You said it’s lifestyle live from the gutter open up your uniform and stand in the rain lifestyles live from the gutter I know what you’re feeling it’s just more of the same
3.
In the recess in the recession I found my way around the hallow sound of a black hole You know of thirty things that will hang big wings on depression but flying out’s not allowed in the shroud of a dying wish it’s pinned in with a butterfly stitch makes you fall I will call out to the fallout shelter are there any survivors, anyone one of us left alive? echo echo it answers with a silence that’s taking prisoners seven year itch out of black pitch pinned in with a butterfly stitch thought that we could be it, see it now we won’t oh maybe maybe the recess catches the light in what we’ve done it’s lighting fireworks from the sun In the abscess in the obsession We lost my way out the open mouth of a blue whale You speak of dirty things that will always sting learned my lesson I can’t tell which dug ditch has you pinned in with a butterfly stitch thought that we would save it, brave it now we won’t. oh maybe maybe the recess catches the light in what we’ve done it’s lighting fireworks from the sun
4.
Maple Leaves 04:14
You had your fingers crossed behind your back the whole damn time your index and your middle digit intertwined so no promises were kept they were never even made stapled to the start line and right there they remain I hear them sing the demons in your throat sprout big wings of fire and high skyward they float I let a heart of lead hang his head on my sleeve but there is hope in that handful of maple leaves You had your mind made up in wire knots the whole damn time your failures and your good intentions intertwined so no promises were kept you gave them all away to places you can't get to and things you'll never say yeah it's a mess of thread but I've seen harder things the quickest way to the end is backwards from the beginning I let a heart of lead hang his head on my sleeve but there is hope in that handful of maple leaves
5.
Red Rum 03:08
I know the heavy fear of moving water I've see a lot of good people drown I pity your sons and daughters led to slaughter cuffed to the sound of red ru red rum I've seen the heavy water spill your secrets you have a history of half truths told You keep it locked up in a glass encasement in the basement of your lost soul of red rum red rum go on and open up your eyes see what your lies have done I do not listen to liars I will not let them enter my ear I cannot hear them when they call out my name like I'm about to always disappear give me reason reason one good reason To keep me here red rum red rum go on and open up your eyes see what your lies have done red rum give me reason reason one good reason to keep me here
6.
Fire Escape 02:03
Always a dollar short a decade late there’s a fire out on the fire escape but this fire, it does not give and take it consumes Always a dollar short a decade late there’s a fire out on the fire escape but this fire, it does not give and take it consumes And I have surveyed your present past and all I’ve ever known of glass it’s the thing that you might see past and not get through Always the first one through the wall Why always the first one through the wall gets bloody
7.
Soap 03:05
Put your heart into an envelope go send it through the mail all the words you used to build your homes and cities out of were constructed to fail write your name out with a sparkler lose your letters in the flame know that nothing burns as furious and blue and hopeless as a paper airplane but I'm not lost you will find you count the cost of all the lights behind you waste my time hang the heavy things with fishing line tie the fragile ones with rope wash my hands of you until the water runs out frozen this time I will use soap 'cause I'm not lost you will find I count the cost of all the lights behind me left behind
8.
Night Sky 04:00
Charlie’s eyes trace the path of a bullet cutting clouds into lines in the air watch his face, lines that trace this godforsaken place this place this place It’s all I can do to cry under the ever-blacked night sky I’m singing behind the choir watch as the walls fall on your empire Daddy says we’ll wait around for the earthquake seismographs counting cracks in the ground He swears this round is the sound of the sky falling down falling down down It’s all I can do to cry under the ever-blacked night sky I’m singing beneath the floor knowing that you’ve got nothing to be sorry for
9.
Little Lies 04:12
So the bough broke, cradle fell down you gathered your head in your hands they will know where you stand until you sit down Lens will open my eye to the sound of this down-crashing plane took a year-full of frames just so you could take ‘em down down Through your bad dreams, through your bad days that wake you and shake you alive if you’re not alright, why can’t you say it? Lens will open my eye to the sound of this fast-passing train if you’re not okay, why can’t you play it? It was here but there it goes look at it with your eyes closed you will see you don’t know what you’re doing ruined with all your little lies So the day broke, watched the sky fall it’s held up with mercy and wire if you’re not on fire, what’s got you screaming? I will open my eyes to the sound of this fast-passing train heard an old man say he was too old for dreaming She was here but there she goes look at her with her eyes closed you will see you don’t know what she’s doing ruined with all she chose look at her with her eyes closed you will see you don’t know how to get there threadbare with all your little lies
10.
Staring down the mouth of an exaggerated shadow, you folded worrying to death about the document collapse of time. What did you expect running inward with the fourth dimension? You drew up your conclusions but so suddenly you ran out of line. You held your newspaper up to the light read the bad news backwards it’s still black and white. You call in all your favors, desperate measures count for desperate people Judgment is a hammer and you know I do not miss when I swing If I have to leave you, you should know that I will leave you enamored And if you have to know, then you should know that I do not miss thing. You held your newspaper up to the light read the bad news backwards it’s still black and white I’ll see you next Sunday light shining through thinking maybe one day I’ll get back to you.
11.
Gone 03:19
I’ll be gone before you make it half way to Vegas on the road, you can’t outrace it I will be gone I’ll get home before the leaves fall snow hits the north wall You can’t even hear the birds call They’ll all be gone I will be gone If it wells up when we’re sleeping there’s no safe keeping for the love we have retreating It will be gone I will hear it when I need to I had to leave you Before it killed the things that we grew wrote them down wrong I will be gone If you’re waiting on a blue sky high pay and low tide to be making up your lost mind It will be gone That’ll be as far as we get past fear and regret to the heart of where we both met And we’ll sing these songs But I will be gone
12.
Sidewalks 02:49
Nothing has changed here. No seasons, no names. You can cry all you want; your tears won’t turn into rain. Every last word you left hanging on ties to the shadow of things already gone. Because the sidewalks don’t take you where you need to be and the lowest you’ll get is right next to me. Nothing is broken. No system, no bones. You can hold up your head, pack up your things and go home. Every winter I hang my head low and sit with the things I can’t bring myself to let go. Because the sidewalks don’t take you where you need to be and the lowest you’ll get Is right next to me. I said the sidewalks won’t take you where you want to go And all that you have’s all you need to know No Nothing to see here You’ll see for yourself The dying it takes, living your life on a shelf Nothing is wrong dear Thicken your blood stream They will shake you awake Say go home kid, you had too much to dream

about

Stockdale's first full-length album was recorded in Ithaca, NY between March and November 2014, mostly in the unheated attic music studio of her apartment. The songs on "Fingers Crossed" were mostly written during her time in Long Beach, California (2005-2012). It took getting 3,000 miles or more away, back to the frozen north, to gain perspective on a decade in the sun.

In December, 2014, she launched a successful PledgeMusic campaign that funded the production of CDs, 12" LPs, and various merchandise, throwing a birthday CD Release on February 7, 2015 at The Carriage House in Ithaca, NY, to celebrate. Learn more: www.pledgemusic.com/projects/jennystockdale

credits

released February 7, 2015

FINGERS CROSSED
1. Don’t Ask For Me | 2. Aftermath | 3. Butterfly Stitch | 4. Maple Leaves | 5. Red Rum | 6. Fire Escape | 7. Soap | 8. Night Sky | 9. Little Lies | 10. Exaggerated Shadows | 11. Gone | 12. Sidewalks

Music Credits
Cass Barbour – piano (2, 10)
Dana Billings – percussion (1, 2, 7, 9,10), honkytonk piano riff (10)
Brian Dozoretz – upright bass (2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 12)
Greg Evans – percussion (3, 4, 5, 11, 12)
Chris Frank – electric guitar (1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9) acoustic guitar (11), stomps & hand claps (6)
Hayden Frank – electric bass (1, 7)
Ryan Miller – electric guitar (8, 11), electric upright bass (8)
Justin Roeland – electric guitar (3) piano (8), mandolin (7)
Brian Schmidt – violin (7)
Jenny Stockdale – vocals & harmony vocals (1-12), acoustic guitar (2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10), electric guitar (11), toy piano, wine bottles, stomps & hand claps (6), pitchy whistling (8)

© 2015 BMI | ©℗ 2015 Jenny Stockdale | All songs written by Jenny Stockdale | Produced by Chris Frank & Jenny Stockdale | Engineered and mixed by Chris Frank | Mastered by Brian Dozoretz | Photo illustration by Adam Baker | Album design by Cristina Eagan | All rights reserved | Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws | jennystockdale.com

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Jenny Stockdale Ithaca, New York

Jenny Stockdale grew up in a cow town with one stoplight, a grange and a lot of manure spreaders. Her musical roots are deep, sometimes dark and sort of all over the place. She fits into the singer/songwriter category, but awkwardly, as her influences buckle together folk, gospel, rock and jazz. ... more

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